Negative People Bringing You Down?

February 29, 2012 by Leave a Comment

There will always be those whom we perceive as negative. They show up in line at the grocery store, beside us on the subway, in our cubicle at the office, conducting a client discussion, passing the turkey at Thanksgiving. . . . You get the idea.

There are plenty of negative people you encounter over whom you have no influence, nor do you spend a lot of energy trying to have any influence over them. However, there are likely a handful of individuals in your life (work, home, social) over whom you do have some influence, and if you could influence them toward a more positive attitude, it would go a long way to improving your life, as well. Let’s focus on that second group of negatives, over whom you do have some influence.

Others’ behavior can be influenced by you, if you understand a basic principle: When something is personal, it becomes important.

Dr. Nido Qubein refers to this principle as the “Law of Identification” because once someone identifies personally with something (anything), it truly does become important to them.

That seems simple enough in theory, right? Think about it – if something is personal to you, it’s important to you. You move it up on your list of priorities. You schedule around it. You make time to accomplish it. The same is true for those whom you perceive to be negative. There are plenty of issues that are personal to them, as well, and plenty that aren’t.

Here’s the trick: Until you understand someone else’s beliefs, you cannot influence their behavior. To figure out why something is personal to someone else, start by asking yourself the following questions:

  1. How will this benefit them?
  2. How will this impact them?
  3. How will they be touched by this?

If you can answer these questions, your ability to connect with them will increase. The next step is to engage others to begin thinking differently about the choices they make and the way they interact with others. Influence what they believe and you’ll influence how they behave. The key to spreading positivity is helping others to believe that being positive will impact or benefit them personally.

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North Carolina Independents : Unaffiliated Voters and the Challenge of Changing the Status Quo

January 30, 2012 by 1 Comment

Last week, Frank Stasio of WUNC’s The State of Things was in Downtown Greensboro at the Triad Stage Upstage Cabaret to discuss Independent voters in North Carolina. His guests were Omar Ali, associate professor of African-American Studies and History at UNC-Greensboro; Donna Moser, co-founder of North Carolina Independents; ncindependents.org  and Brittany Rodman, a registered independent voter.

ncindependents.orgThe introduction from the ncindependents.org website explains that “North Carolina Independents is a non-partisan association of unaffiliated voters who are challenging party-control of the political process. We’re helping to launch a national campaign to have Congress hold hearings on the second-class status of independent (i.e. unaffiliated) voters. While 40% of Americans self-identify as independent the entire political infrastructure has been built around the interests of the parties. Where is our voice in the mix? Where is our representation? Some 1.5 million North Carolinian’s are registered as “unaffiliated.” Are you one of them?”

 

From a recent USA Today article it was interesting to learn that “More than 2.5 million voters have left the Democratic and Republican parties since the 2008 elections, while the number of independent voters continues to grow.” But the big question is why?

What I have learned during my research to answer that question is that a growing number of Americans are fed up with the playground politics of our two party system. My husband and I had a lengthy discussion and agreed that politics in the United States has become more focused on who has control (Republicans/Democrats and corporations that feed them both) vs. who is doing what is necessary to effectively run our country and listen to and do what is right for the voters they represent.

As it stands now – an Independent Candidate would have to gather 85,000 signatures to qualify for the ballot, where as a Republican or Democratic hopeful needs 0. Yup, that’s right. ZERO. I was shocked to learn that an Independent candidate would have to collect a signature from 1 out of every 73 registered voters in NC.

FREEtheVOTENC explains that The Electoral Freedom Act hopes to restore the rights of voters because “Our state’s ballot access laws are intended to hinder competition and artificially assist the two major parties by placing unreasonable and unnecessary restrictions on any competition through restrictive signature requirements unparalleled in most other states.”

L-R Omar Ali, Brittany Rodman, Frank Stasio and Donna Moser (photo courtesy of ncindependents.org)

As Omar Ali rightly stated during his interview “Most Americans don’t want parties but policies that work.” That sentiment was echoed in fellow guest and registered Independent voter Brittany Rodman, when asked how she came to consider herself an Independent.

Brittany’s decision “took years to come to.” She went on to share that “by default I was born a Democrat by being a black woman from a working class family. I began to see this disconnect with all races and economic classes across America. . . . People are not satisfied with congress and we don’t see how we fit in or how our needs are met as a community.”

Brittany is not alone. With congress’ approval rating at an all time low, voters across America are not falling for the sensationalized mud slinging that an election year brings but instead are looking more closely for leaders who are less concerned about what party they are in and more concerned about meeting the needs of families hit hard by the greed and far reaching corruption of Wall Street.

When asked why not pick one of the two existing political parties and fight for reform, Brittany’s answer best reflected a growing sentiment amongst voters of all ages . . .  “I’ve never been a fan of picking the lesser of two evils.”

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Learn more about what it means to be an unaffiliated independent voter.

Find out who represents you in Raleigh and get involved on a local level.

Interested in who is lining your representatives pockets? Take some time to review the 112th Congress detailed money profiles, you might be surprised to see who the top national donors are that are funding our government representatives.

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How do you see our current political system changing for the better?

What are your thoughts on Corporate Personhood and the impact it has had on our political system?

Are partisan politics dividing America?

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Leadership vs. Management

January 25, 2012 by 1 Comment

A recent trip took us to a restaurant, where I was reminded that there will always be a difference between managers and leaders. As developers of leaders, we frequently facilitate the conversation about those very differences, and often one of the distinctions noted places managers in a category reserved for those who carry out someone else’s vision, while leaders are in the business of developing people.

We were the unfortunate witnesses to a public (out in the open area of the restaurant, in front of other patrons and bar staff) berating of our waitress by the general manager of the restaurant. Our waitress, overcome with tears, continued to provide us with exceptional customer service, but our two conversations (both of our own initiation) with the general manager proved less than satisfying.

I concede that I don’t know ALL the facts surrounding the disaster, that ended with our waitress quitting, and our abrupt departure from the restaurant, not having eaten because we no longer felt welcome or hungry. However, I do think there are some common lessons we can glean from the experience.

Regardless of the circumstances, and whether or not some grave error had been committed by the waitress (she seated us after the kitchen no longer wanted to prepare food), here’s what I think the general manager lost for the restaurant in one night:

  1. The obvious and immediate loss to the restaurant was our business. They lost immediate revenue for the food that was prepared, but we chose not to eat. The general manager assumed the cost in our departing conversation.
  2. Naturally, we will not be returning, so there is no future revenue, either.
  3. Also lost was our respect for the general manager, and subsequently, the restaurant group that employs him. We were appalled at the outburst, and felt that no behavior could possibly warrant such a reproach.
  4. We immediately wrote a negative review on one prominent social media site, and then tweeted about it, too. Remember that one unhappy customer who speaks out publicly is just the tip of your proverbial iceberg when it comes to your real issues. When was the last time you questioned your customers about their satisfaction levels?
  5. Our waitress was doing her job, and doing it very well by our account. The restaurant lost an employee that not only did her job, but she put the needs of her customers at the top of her priorities. Shouldn’t that be the ultimate desire of any company in the business of customer service?

When we choose to react, rather than to act, we choose to behave at the mercy of our emotions. As leaders, we are completely dependent on those whom we employ for our successes. Developing people is a skill that requires keeping your emotions in check and allowing direct reports to make errors. How else can we possibly help them grow and improve if we intercept their ability to choose? In so doing, we will slowly cut off all of our relationships, and there won’t be any customers left to serve.

While I’d like to believe this was an isolated incident with a power-hungry manager, I know it’s not true. We have each seen this scenario played out in numerous offices, retail establishments, and restaurants. When have you seen poor management in action? Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end?

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Climbing Out of Chaos : 15 Ways to Claim Success

December 7, 2011 by 3 Comments

Let’s face it – life can get pretty chaotic.

Every day there is a new call, text, task, meeting, play date, family emergency or event to add to the chaos of modern living. We schedule, plan and make long ‘todo’ lists – but we can only fit so much into 24 hours.

Here are 15 ways to calm the chaos and claim your success!

  1. Access Your Responsibilities. Make 3 separate columns on a sheet of paper   (family, work, community) and be honest with where you are spending your time. Look at what you can start saying no to, delegate or eliminate completely from this list.
  2. Schedule Private Time. If you want to claim your success, you need quiet time to rest your mind and reflect on what you have, need to and hope to accomplish. Treat this alone time with as much respect as you give a client meeting.
  3. List Your Goals. Write your top 5 immediate goals on a piece of paper and keep it with you. Goals are beacons in the chaos. Personal Goal Setting serves to remind us of what is truly important and helps guide our decisions in our day to day life.  At lunch, in between meetings, while waiting in line at the grocery store – as often as you can – LOOK AT THIS LIST. When you complete a goal, replace it with another one from your master goal list.
  4. Chuck Your Stuff. Schedule time each month to get rid of clutter. . . at your office, home and your car. Have 4 boxes handy (donate, give, put away, throw away) to make this process more organized. A favorite book is Lose 200 Lbs This Weekend: It’s Time to Declutter Your Life by Don Aslett and Carol Cartaino.
  5.  Learn to Say NO. For many of us – saying no is difficult. This article by Zen Habits is a great place to start learning how. 7 Simple Ways to Say “NO”
  6. Create a Board of Advisers. Whether you are a seasoned professional or a young adult, having a trusted and varied group of people who you can turn to for advice and guidance is priceless. This post from Inc. Magazine is perfect to get you started : How to Assemble a Board of Advisers
  7. Study the Masters. Regardless of your profession or trade there is, inevitably, someone (or many) whom you admire.  Learning from Leaders by reading their blogs, following them on twitter, reading their books and when the opportunity arises – engage with them. Focus on a more respectful studying of what has made this person a success . . . that includes their failures.
  8. Create a Vision Board. What The Heck’s A Vision Board—and How Can It Change Your Life? Cut out images from magazines or use your own images, sketches and pictures to create a living life plan of what you want. You can easily create or purchase a cork board to hang in a private room to create your masterpiece. When you achieve a goal on your board – take a photo, then replace that accomplishment with the next goal.
  9. Read More. There is a wealth on knowledge on the internet that comes at you at break neck speed. Taking time to read and learn things that will help you reach your goals will give you much needed rest while you still fill your head with valuable knowledge. Success Books is a great blog that has reviews of Success Books, Blogs, Podcasts, Websites and other tools that will help you claim your success.
  10. Sleep. All too often we make poor judgement calls when we have not had enough rest. From bad driving, short temper, dozing off in a meeting – none of these will help you reach your goals. Learn more about how much sleep you need from the National Sleep Foundation. 
  11. Learn How to Manage Your Time. At the end of your day write the top 6 priorities for the next day. Number them from 1 to 6 in order of importance – tackle each task until close of business. What ever you did not finish gets bumped to the top of your list for the next day. This advice comes from Ivy Lee, known as the “founder of public relations” and the man who gave this same advice to Charles Schwab back in the 1920’s.
  12. Turn Your Phone Off. When you are faced with a task or meeting that needs your undivided attention – turn your phone off. . . or for those of you who are parents – at least put it on vibrate. Giving the task and the people in front of you your undivided attention will go a long way in helping you reach your goals. Remember to Turn Off That Cell Phone! Business Etiquette Still Counts.
  13. Follow Up. Whether by phone, email or handwritten note – make time each week to touch those that have made your week great. Keep a list of those that you want to stay in contact with and schedule alerts that remind you to reach out. Here is an oldie but goodie post on The 10 Best Customer Relationship Management (CRM) Tools.
  14. Organize. When you are organized both in the physical and virtual worlds your everyday tasks take less time. Think of how much time you waste searching for files, tools, clothes or that thingy that you need to finish that home project. Woman’s Day has a fantastic list of 100 Ways to Get Organized.
  15. Ask for Feedback. It’s a good rule of thumb to always ask for feed back.  Whether it’s for your new recipe, your recent blog post or that project you just completed. Not everyone will respond and you may not always like what you hear – but those willing to offer constructive ways that you can improve what you are doing . . . they will be the hands that guide you and helps you climb out of chaos. Learn How to Offer Constructive Feedback.

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What tips would you offer to conquer the chaos and claim success?

 

 

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A Christmas Carol – A Review

December 2, 2011 by 1 Comment

Triad-Stage-ImageI want to forget that I’m in a theatre when I’m in a theatre. Is that too much to ask? Apparently, yes, for Triad Stage’s production of the Dickens’ classic, A Christmas Carol. An insert in tonight’s program asked for my feedback.

What did you like about the production?

I liked certain performances within the production. Namely, Gordon Joseph Weiss as Ebenezer Scrooge, Izzy Goff as the Ghost of Christmas Past, Michael Tourek as Mr. Fezziwig, and Rosie McGuire as Mrs. Fezziwig and the Ghost of Christmas Present.

But my favorite performance was the set, itself. As always, the behind-the-scenes powerhouse is what brings to life every production I’ve ever seen at Triad Stage, and it’s always transformative. Completely dependent upon one another, and of equal importance, are the set, the lights, the sound, and the projection. I was not disappointed in their ability to transform a small space in downtown Greensboro into 1843 London. Thank you for your brilliance.

Was there anything you didn’t like?

Yes, thank you for asking.

1. All the principle roles were the exact same actors as the 2010 production.
2. The blocking was almost identical to the 2010 production.
3. The performance lacked ensemble cohesion and believability. (I had to rely on standout performances for my entertainment.)
4. There were audio issues and it was difficult to hear some of the performers’ lines.
5. It was difficult to understand all of the actors’ lines – bad diction in many instances.
6. The performance of Triad Stage newcomer Kendra Woodfolk (Charity Woman/Belle/Edwina/Young Wife) was bad, at best, and for someone with as many lines as she had, this really caused a disturbance in the force.
7. What is with the Ghost of Christmas Present and her song?! We so hoped that would be absent from this year’s production, but, alas, no – it was every bit as confusing to us as to what it has to do with Dickens’ original tale. But props for a lovely voice. Wait. Is that why it’s there? Because Preston Lane‘s adaptation is really designed to showcase specific actors and their talents? Nah. I’m sure that’s not the case. (see #1)

Every time I started to lose myself in the story (and this was with some effort), something (see items 1-7 above) jolted me to the reality I was still sitting in the theatre. I expect a lot from Triad Stage; they’re a professional theatre company, and bill themselves as such.

Have we really tapped out Greensboro’s talent that we needed to bring back almost the identical cast from last year? Is it a prerequisite that in order to participate in a Triad Stage production you have to have acted in a minimum of two, but as many as six, previous Triad Stage productions? (I counted – and that’s what tonight’s playbill indicated.) Perhaps Triad Stage should bill themselves as a green theatre company because they keep recycling the same actors.

Would you recommend this production to a friend? Why or why not?

Tough question. The overall production felt forced and choppy, and lacked the theatre magic to tie it all together. If you are interested in watching individual actors perform their parts with magnitude, go right ahead and reserve your tickets. Just don’t expect to forget where you are because you will be reminded time and again that the Ghost of Get Me Out of Here still hasn’t arrived, and you won’t find me giving an undeserved standing ovation.

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TECHiquette : Cell Phones and Public Speakers

October 24, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Yesterday while I was attending the WithIt Educational Breakfast at High Point Market featuring keynote speaker Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan of Apartment Therapy 3 cell phones went off. Yup. 3.

I have to say that the first “oops I left my cell phone on” moment brought the room to a chorus of roarous laughter – due in large part to the timing, Maxwell’s great sense of humor and the ring tone that blasted the Day-O tune.

The second ring was quickly silenced by a blushing attendee. In the tables around me, I saw that everyone was quietly checking their phones to make sure their ringer was off. . . a reminder that, for those of you who know me from the Linking Greensboro Luncheons, I try to offer before the event starts out of respect for the speaker & those attending the event.

The third ring was the worst. It was a cell phone grenade. Not only did the person continue to let it ring as they made it toward the exit from across the ballroom – they answered it “Hello, Hold on a second I’m attending a conference . . .”  to stunned looks from everyone they passed on their way to the door. Maxwell paused until the person left the room and continued with his brilliant presentation without skipping a beat.

My TECHiquette tip for the next time you are attending an event or anywhere in public that your cell phone will be a distraction to those around you . . . put your cell phone on vibrate.

And if the call that you receive is important . . . PLEASE for the love of all things etiquette, let it go to voice mail until you leave the room and are in a situation to give the caller your full attention and NOT be a disruption to those around you.

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As a speaker, how do you handle the situation when a cell phone grenade goes off?

How do you handle the situation when your cell phone accidentally goes off at an in opportune moment?

Do you have a ritual of checking your phone before you take you seat at an event or enter a quiet space?

[UPDATE] Be sure to check the your alarms on your phone too! I was attending Julia Rosien‘s presentation and had an alarm go off to my deep embarrassment. Just because your ringer is off does not mean that your phone will be silent!

 

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Community Theatre

October 3, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Community can mean lots of different things to lots of different people, especially depending on when – and whom – you ask. This is a subject about which I’ve written before. Many of us create and/or join different “communities” to fill different needs in our lives, and as a result find ourselves gravitating in and out of a wide variety of circles. There are likely individuals who share multiple of our communities with us, but not necessarily.

Thinking along these lines lends a whole new meaning to community theatre. As an active member of this particular recreational company – I love the fact that individuals from multiple walks of life share a common love and passion and together create something to be enjoyed by members of a larger social group.

So whether you’re an actor, who loves the prospect of creating an entirely different and believable person on stage, or a director, who lives to bring all those moving parts and pieces together, or an audience member, who appreciates the temporary world that’s being shared with you, community theatre is a cog in the wheel of your social community. Participation by all members is what allows it to function.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest is a production that requires an intense commitment on the part of the entire community. And as one of the actors in this upcoming production by the Community Theatre of Greensboro (CTG), I can assure you, your participation as an audience member is not only greatly appreciated, but important to those of us on stage as we rely on your immediate feedback throughout the show to remind us of our own (albeit temporary) reality in these roles.

Please join our community, at least for one night, at the Broach Theatre in downtown Greensboro. Opening night coincides with First Friday, on October 7, so come early to enjoy a downtown dinner before the curtain rises at 8. The show will have a run of seven performances, total, which gives you plenty of opportunities to come more than once! Show dates and times are October 7, 8, 13, 14, 15 at 8:00pm, and October 9 and 16 at 2:00pm.

I look forward to sharing a community experience together with you at the Broach. Look for me on stage: I’ll be Candy Starr: the one wearing the cowboy boots.

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